{"id":1599,"date":"2009-11-05T09:07:31","date_gmt":"2009-11-05T16:07:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/strivetoenter.com\/wim\/?p=1599"},"modified":"2016-12-20T17:36:45","modified_gmt":"2016-12-21T00:36:45","slug":"the-dark-side-of-submission","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/strivetoenter.com\/wim\/2009\/11\/05\/the-dark-side-of-submission\/","title":{"rendered":"The dark side of submission"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/p>\n

The Dark Side of Submission<\/h2>\n

The following is a very eye opening article by Lee Grady. \u00a0From\u00a0Fire in My Bones<\/a><\/em> online,\u00a0November, 2009. Copyright 2009 Strang Communications; all rights reserved. Used\u00a0with permission.<\/p>\n

\"Submission<\/p>\n

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n

Christian teaching on male headship is often used as a weapon against women. This abuse must be confronted.<\/em><\/p>\n

Last week during a ministry trip to Hungary I heard a painfully familiar story. Through a translator, a tearful young woman living near Budapest explained that her Christian husband was angrily demanding her absolute submission. This included, among other things, that she clean their house according to his strict standards and that she engage in sexual acts with him that made her feel uncomfortable and dirty.<\/p>\n

This lady was not demanding her rights or trying to be disrespectful. She was a godly, humble woman who obviously wanted to please the Lord. But she had been beaten to a pulp emotionally, and she was receiving little help from her pastor\u2014who was either unwilling or unprepared to confront wife abuse.<\/p>\n

\u201cTraditionalists assume that a Christian marriage is defined as a dominant husband who makes all family decisions while the wife graciously obeys without input. Yet Scripture actually portrays marriage as a loving partnership.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019ve heard so many sickening versions of this scenario. In Kenya recently, several women told me their AIDS-infected husbands often raped them\u2014and then their pastors told them they must submit to this treatment. In some parts of India, even some pastors believe it is acceptable to beat their wives if they argue with them or show any form of disrespect. And in some conservative churches in the United States, women are told that obedience to God is measured by their wifely submission\u2014even if their husbands are addicted to alcohol or pornography, or if they are involved in adulterous affairs.<\/p>\n

This distortion of biblical teaching has plunged countless Christian women into depression and emotional trauma. I\u2019m not sure which is worse: The harsh words they hear from their husbands, or the perverse way the Bible is wielded as a leather belt to justify domestic abuse. Here are three truths we must uncover in order to solve this problem:<\/p>\n

1. \u00a0Marriage is not a hierarchy. Traditionalists assume that a Christian marriage is defined as a dominant husband who makes all family decisions while the wife graciously obeys without input. Yet Scripture actually portrays marriage as a loving partnership and refers to the wife as a \u201cfellow heir of the grace of life\u201d (1 Peter 3:7, NASB). And the apostle Paul taught that in the realm of sexuality, husbands and wives share equal authority over each other\u2019s bodies (see 1 Cor. 7:4). In other words, submission in this most intimate part of a marriage covenant is mutual, and this same mutuality is the key to any happy marriage; it fosters respect, communication and an enduring bond.<\/p>\n

2. \u00a0Headship is not a license to control. Traditionalists also cite Ephesians 5:23 to remind wives that their husbands are their \u201cheads\u201d\u2014and they believe this term requires some type of dictatorial control in marriage. Yet the Greek word used in this passage, kephale, does not have anything to do with heavy-handed authority and it cannot be used to enforce male domination. Neither does it imply male superiority. The word can either mean \u201csource\u201d (as in the source of a river) or \u201cone who leads into battle\u201d (as a protector).<\/p>\n

Neither original definition of this word gives room for abuse. Headship, in its essence, is not about \u201cwho\u2019s the boss.\u201d Rather it refers to the Genesis account of Eve being taken from Adam\u2019s side. The husband is the \u201csource\u201d of the wife because she originated from him, and she is intimately connected to him in a mystical union that is unlike any other human relationship.<\/p>\n

Men who abuse their wives are out of fellowship with God. 1 Peter 3:7 is clear: \u201cYou husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so your prayers will not be hindered.\u201d Wife abuse is no trivial sin. Any man who berates his wife, treats her as inferior or engages in abusive behavior (including hitting, kicking, raping, cursing at or threatening punishment) will jeopardize his fellowship with the Lord. He will feel frustrated and convicted until he repents.<\/p>\n

(And in the same way, I believe, pastors who silently support abusive husbands by refusing to confront the behavior\u2014or by telling women to submit to the pain\u2014participate in this sin and could find their own prayers hindered.)<\/p>\n

Truly Christian marriages, according to the apostle Paul, involve a tender, servant-hearted and unselfish husband who (1) loves his wife \u201cjust as Christ also loved the church;\u201d (2) loves her as his own body; and (3) loves her as himself (see Eph. 5:25, 28 33). He stands alongside his wife in faithfulness, and she joyfully respects her husband because he can be trusted. And the two become one.<\/p>\n

If we are to uphold this golden standard, we must confront abuse, shelter its victims and provide the tough love and counseling necessary to heal troubled relationships. And we have no business telling women to stay in marriages that actually could put them or their children in danger.<\/p>\n<\/body>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Dark Side of Submission The following is a very eye opening article by Lee Grady. \u00a0From\u00a0Fire in My Bones online,\u00a0November, 2009. Copyright 2009 Strang Communications; all rights reserved. Used\u00a0with permission. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Christian teaching on male headship is often used as a weapon against women. This abuse must be confronted. Last week during a ministry trip to Hungary I heard a painfully familiar story. Through a translator, a tearful young woman living near Budapest explained that her Christian husband was…<\/p>\n

Read More Read More<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[33,40,43,61],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1599","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ephesians-5","category-headshipsubmission","category-injustice-towards-women","category-spiritual-abuse"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe dark side of submission - Women in Ministry<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Christian teaching on male headship is often used as a weapon against women. 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